Still Frame
by darkangelfan452494
Summary: Ben reflects on the reasons why he kills, what life was like at Manticore, and life on the outside. The story is set to a song by Trapt called "Still Frame". It raises the question of whether or not Ben was truly insane. Tell me what you think.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel. No money is being made.  
  
Credits: The idea of using lyrics between different ideas in the story came from Ting and her story "Sorry" (which I recommend everyone read because it's amazing!). I was inspired to write this story after watching a music video put together by Flyin11 on www.lostpenguin.net.  
  
Summary: Ben reflects on the reasons why he kills, what life was like at Manticore, and life on the outside. The story is set to a song by Trapt called "Still Frame". It raises the question of whether or not Ben was truly insane. Tell me what you think.  
  
-=-  
  
Still Frame  
  
-=-  
  
-=-  
  
Keep it inside the image portrayed  
  
As if I couldn't stand losing. As if I couldn't be saved, no way  
  
-=-  
  
  
  
Ben had lost count of the lives he'd taken. Sometimes he'd tell himself that he didn't know why he was doing it, but he knew the truth. He knew the truth about every single detail of the murders.  
  
He knew precisely why he tatooed the barcode, his barcode, on his victim's neck. He kept killing himself over and over because, no matter how many times he'd wanted to, he knew he could never take his own life. At times, he hated himself for agreeing to the escape. Where had it gotten him? Here...in a world where he was drowning in confusion.  
  
-=-  
  
A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it  
  
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need  
  
-=-  
  
Back at Manticore when all the lights were out, his brothers and sisters would all gather around him. He'd weave intricate tales about the nomalies and the Good Place.  
  
"What's it like in the Good Place, Ben? Tell us about it!" Max had always been the one listening intensely, and her bright eyes lit up with questions.  
  
"In the Good Place," he would whisper,"no one gets punished, no one gets yelled at, and no one disappears to the Bad Place."  
  
Maybe one of the others would get wind of what he was doing these days. He half expected big-brother Zack to drop in on him any minute. Zack had always looked out for them and he wouldn't approve of Ben's actions. He wouldn't understand anyways. Even if Zack tried, he wouldn't be able to stop Ben. For once, he was doing what he was meant to do. He was a soldier, a hunter, a predator.  
  
-=-  
  
A small reflection on when we were younger  
  
We had it all figured out 'cause we had everything covered  
  
-=-  
  
The night Lydecker sent them to chase after the prison was one of the most thrilling in his life. He remembered every aspect. The snow froze his bare feet, but didn't distract him. The adrenaline pumped through his veins, and he could taste the blood on his lips. Lydeckers orders were kill or be killed. He remembered watching the man run off into the woods carrying his knife. He had waited with anticipation as Lydecker counted down the seconds. The man never had a chance. It had been exhilirating. They had killed him so viciously that they weren't even like humans anymore. They were more like animals.  
  
Everything had been right at Manticore. He always had an answer for everything. There was nothing he didn't have a reasonable explination for. At that time he didn't realize how good they had it. He had longed to grasp onto something new and exciting. The escape was his chance and he took it. He fled with the others. Then, he suffered the consequences. He was confused by a life Manticore never taught about. Zack and Max called it "freedom". He called it "imprisonment". he was imprisoned in his own mind, plagued by mysteries he couldn't solve with a story.  
  
-=-  
  
Now we're getting older it's getting harder to see  
  
What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be?  
  
-=-  
  
He still remember the night when one of their brothers laid in bed seizing.  
  
"What do we do?" Max had asked.  
  
"They see him like this, you know what'll happen," Zack said.  
  
"They'll give him to the Nomalies," he himself had answered referring to the basement dwellers.  
  
That night the janitor had handed their seizing brother a picture of the lady.  
  
"Pray to her. She'll watch over you," he'd said.  
  
That had started Ben's devoted faith in the Lady.  
  
-=-  
  
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down  
  
This picture's frozen and I can't get out  
  
-=-  
  
It seemed as if the Lady was ignoring him these days. He forced his victims to wear a necklace bearing her image. It was to make her aware that the killings were not only for him, but for her. he removed their teeth to give to her, just as he and his siblings extracted one of their own teeth to make her stronger while they were back at Manticore. She would protect them. He needed her protection most of all.  
  
-=-  
  
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down  
  
This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here   
  
-=-  
  
Duty, Discipline, Mission...words he lived by..or maybe not. Maybe he was just a coward. Deep down he knew going back to Manticore would be the worst thing that could ever happen. He knew Lydecker was out there covering his tracks for him. Sooner or later they'd catch him and drag him back to Manticore. Then, he'd be considered the Nomalie. They'd lock him up and torture him. No, he thought, I'll die first. The Lady will protect me.  
  
-=-  
  
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you  
  
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you   
  
-=- 


End file.
